Oct 21, 2013

L.A. Zombie




Undoubtedly, zombie and hardcore porn flicks have a lot in common aesthetically, as both rely on careless cardboard cinema conventions and wallow in depicting the human body in a most unflattering manner that reminds one that humans are essentially just pieces of meat and no different from the sort one devours from a fast food restaurant, so it should be no surprise that some filmmakers have decided to combine the two typically artistically meritless film styles, with iconoclastic queercore auteur Bruce LaBruce (No Skin Off My Ass, The Raspberry Reich) being probably the most famous director to do it. Beginning with his melancholy pomo homo zombie arthouse-splatter flick Otto; or Up with Dead People (2008)—easily one of the director’s most ambitious and aesthetically and thematically unhinged works to date—LaBruce followed his frolicsome flesheater fuck flick with L.A. Zombie (2010), a grandly grotesque work of zany zombie hardcore that was advertised with a poster playfully parodying the iconic poster used from George A. Romero’s Dawn of the Dead (1978). Of course, in its deleteriously disgusting depiction of a primitive looking brute with a monster prick who literally fucks people back to life in an act of ostensible altruism, L.A. Zombie is anything but a Romero flick, even if it features superficially symbolic social commentary of the far-left sort as a work that pays sympathy towards homeless people and homos. Starring Slovak-French gay porn star François Sagat (Saw VI, SAGAT: The Documentary)—a Cro-Magnon-like cocksucking creep whose innately idiotic black scalp tattoos can be seen glaringly under his corpse makeup—in the lead role as a flesh fucking street fiend who may be a zombie, but is more likely a schizophrenic bum (a technique that LaBruce also utilized in Otto) with a sinister sex drive, L.A. Zombie is easily the most aesthetically abhorrent, nihilistically nonsensical, and patently pretentious and preposterous zombie flick I have ever seen that makes one wonder whether or not LaBruce made the film as a perverse prank on zombiphiles and gay porn connoisseurs as a work that will surely leave both demographics (and everyone in between) feeling like the director defiled their soul in a feckless attempt to get back at all the people in high school who kicked his ass for being a limp-wristed fag. Released in two different versions—a 63-minute softcore version that was played at various film festivals and a 103-minute hardcore version that is not much more than a polished porn flick on steroids (and, indeed, many of the actors look they have taken their fair share of roids), L.A. Zombie is not only what is easily LaBruce's most uncreative and decidedly degenerate work to date, but a homo homogenization of everything that is sick and soulless in America, especially Los Angeles, as a film featuring racially mongrelized men who look like monsters without their makeup, psychopathic white collar criminals and gutter-dwelling mestizo gangbangers, and miscegenation-based muscle man on muscle man orgies, among various other decidedly deplorable things, which is no surprise considering it is set in modern Sodom, Los Angeles. In part inspired by auteur LaBruce's slave-morality-driven belief that zombies are treated too badly in films since the are killed by rabid rednecks for sport and whanot, as well as a response to the hysteria regarding gays and AIDS and other STDS, L.A. Zombie basically revolves around the gimmick that “instead of gay sex bringing death, it restores life,” thus making it what is easily the most recklessly and nonsensically ineffective gay propaganda flick ever made.




Slavic pseudo-frog fag wigger François Sagat plays is a lecherous yet ‘loving zombie’ who magically appears out of the Pacific ocean at the beginning of L.A. Zombie and makes his way around Los Angeles as a cadaverous cocksucker of sorts who will penetrate anything that is male and dead. Of course, as a crusty creature who nonsensically transforms from being blue and rotting yet muscle bound to a fairly ‘normal looking’ (normal in the flashy dressed Eastern European wigger sense) fellow with no discernible physical imperfections, it is dubious whether ‘The Zombie’ (he has no name) is actually an authentic reanimated corpse or not, though his foul fetish for muscular male flesh is unquestionable as a fiendish fleshwound addict who will fuck any mangled manful hole he can find. After being picked up by a swarthy twink (Rocco Giovanni) while hitchhiking, the Zombie is in a car accident that kills the driver of the car, so to pay back the young man back for his generosity, the post-post-mortem being buggers a wound in the boy’s chest with his grotesque elephant-trunk-like penis, thus reanimating his heart and giving him the gift of life as a new member of the wanton walking dead. After literally penetrating the heart of the car accident victim with his putrid prick, the Zombie also commits sodomy on the young man, ultimately ejaculating blood. After reaching downtown L.A., the Zombie digs through trash and hangs out at the Los Angeles River where he witnesses a white collar degenerate shooting and killing another white collar degenerate (Wolf Hudson), so he drags his corpse to a semen-soaked outdoor mattress and reanimates the young businessman by placing his member in the man’s fresh bullet wounds. In between creaming in the man-cunts on undead criminal corpses and taking messy coffee breaks at a café while all by his lonesome (no one seems to notice him, thus hinting that he is just a homo hobo and not a true blue zombie), the Zombie has equally banal and uneventful flashbacks about his life before becoming a member of the walking dead. After stealing some clothes, the Zombie finds the less than exquisite corpse of a gangster, so he fucks it via a bullet hole in the homeboy's head, thus demonstrating his salacious talent for skullfucking. Not long after, the Zombie also finds the corpse of a bum who overdosed on dope inside a makeshift cardboard box house, so he makes the hobo a flesh-fondling homo. Of course, the Zombie hits the jackpot when he enters a sodomite dungeon and witnesses a pack of neo-leather-fag types being killed in a multicultural coke deal gone bad, so he brings them back to life in a beyond bloody orgy and carnage-fueled circle jerk that echoes the carnage of Romero’s Day of the Dead (1985). In the end, the sentimental Zombie cries blood like a bitch while hanging out in a graveyard and reminiscing over his ex-boyfriends, even literally digging his own grave, but one suspects he inevitably keeps walking for some more masculine meat to manhandle. 




 A sort of pseudo-eccentric and excess-ridden yet radically aesthetically retarded piece of uniquely unpleasant celluloid ‘womb envy’ where undead sodomites create life via gay sex as opposed to spreading death and disease as one might assume, L.A. Zombie is undoubtedly impossible to swallow and even more impossible to enjoy as a work that brings new meaning to associating zombies with being braindead. Essentially Hustler White (1996) with zombies (including an unflattering cameo from Mr. Tony Ward as a bum), albeit minus the crude yet cultivated comedy and cinema/cultural references, L.A. Zombie is easily Bruce LaBruce’s most tediously tasteless and thoroughly thoughtless work, as if it was made as a gay recruiting video for zombie fans, except I doubt anyone—no matter how patently perverse and morbidly masochistic—would find it arousing, including the debauched director himself. Shrugging off the messy and plot-less structure of L.A. Zombie on his blog by stating, “Continuity is bourgeois,” LaBruce, not unlike the typical modern horror/zombie director, got lazy and thought by covering his film with blood, guts, and exaggerated genitals it would be adequate for not injecting it with the same sort of subversive and sardonic thought as his previous works like Hustler White (1996) and The Raspberry Reich (2004). A sick yet superlatively superficial fantasy where a schizophrenic bum converts the corpses of stereotypical LA criminal types like white collar crooks and Mexican gangsters with his clearly diseased and decaying poz-cock, L.A. Zombie seems like a sort of brazen yet boring ‘bug-chasing’ propaganda piece where a pseudo-zombie ‘giftgiver’ spreads the undead plague by fucking heterosexual male flesh. Not even writing a script but instead utilizing a mere 3-page outline, LaBruce directed mind numbingly banal digital zombie diarrhea that is as slow and seemingly retarded and uninteresting as the film’s flesheating anti-hero, hence why the character was played by a porn star. For screening LaBruce’s pseudo-celluloid atrocity at the Melbourne Underground Film Festival (MUFF), Australian filmmaker/ film festival director Richard Wolstencroft (Pearls Before Swine, The Beautiful and Damned), who in the past has caught flack for screening a documentary on historical revisionist David Irving, had the luxury of having his house raided by police, which I can respect, even if I cannot really respect L.A. Zombie; a “hardcore gay art porno” that actually manages to be boring in its intrinsic ugliness. L.A. Zombie is a grotesque yet greatly generic ‘gorno’ flick that, at best, should have been utilized as an extra feature for a DVD release of infinitely superior fag flesheater flick Otto; or Up with Dead People, and should be ultimately avoided like AIDS as a horrendous pseudo-zombie flick with a ‘positive’ poof message. 



-Ty E

13 comments:

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Its appalling that that disgusting woofter LaBruce has used the great (and rampagingly heterosexual) Romeros sacred and iconic poster to advertise his latest pile of pansy queer bastard celluloid horse-shit. Romero should take out a contract to have that faggot (and all the dirty queers who appeared in the movie) murdered by a professional killer.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I wish you`d used a heterosexual horror movie to make the point about porn and horror ultimately melding and becoming 'as one' because of their joint obsession with wanting to see deeper and deeper inside the hu-girl body (although still for different reasons at the mo-girl-t obviously, unless you`re Jeffrey Dahmer of course), instead you had to choose another pile if putrid faggot oriented horse-shit. By the way, of course Bruce LaBruce is bitter and angry, like all poofs he was cursed with the wrong sexual orientation by a simple chromosonal imbalance at the mo-girl-t of his conception so what more do you expect from the pathetic bastard. Hey the word "chromosonal" has got the word "omo" in it, how apt ! ! !.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

In a way Jeffrey Dahmer was actually a good geezer because he killed faggots (a very noble profession), i just wish he hadn`t fucked them first, the bloody dirty fairy.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Just to put things into perspective even more, George A Romero is God, where-as garbage like Bruce LaBruce is the scum-of-the-earth. I bet Tom Savini (another rampagingly heterosexual individual thankfully) would be really angry if he saw this movie as well, he would agree that LaBruce (and all the queers in this movie) should be literally burned-at-the-stake for this this affront and sacrilage against the greatness of Romero.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

When you think about it that filth LaBruce has got some nerve making films like this, he should stay in his own little pond of fairy queeny bitchy faggot bull-shit, he should not try to impinge on great genres like horror or great film-makers like Romero, especially when hes only doing it (like you said) to advertise his own loathsome and odious way of life.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Once again, that is such an iconic and legendary poster, it makes me so angry and livid that a hideous fairy like LaBruce has used it to try to enable more faggots, ALL FAIRYS MUST BE DESTROYED, NOW ! ! !.

the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

Why didn`t he call it "LA Faggot" ! ! !, at least that would`ve been more truthful.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I hope this isn`t an example of the kind of horror movies you`ll be reveiwing over the next couple of weeks, i want to read great reveiws of horror movies where ALL the characters and situations are rampagingly heterosexual, i dont want to have to endure any more pansy queer horse-shit like this. Its Halloween Ty E, so act like its Halloween, dont be a bloody fairy.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

All the people who beat up LaBruce in high school for being a limp-wristed woofter should be heartily congratulated, its just a shame one of them didn`t kill the bastard.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

"Positive poof message" ! ? ! ?, isn`t that like saying "appetizing and delectable pile of dog-shit" ! ! !.

Anonymous said...

This "film" was fucking hilariously bad.

And jeez, what is with the recent slew of pornographic zombie films? Is there some kind of secret underground audience for them?

Scott Is NOT A Professional said...

I can't possibly be the only one here who'd love to see Jervaise start his own blog. He could rant in post after post about bloody British pansies and Heather O'Rourke. I'd follow him.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Thanks for the encourage-girl-t Scott, its much appreciated, but at the mo-girl-t i still haven`t got the guts (or the computer know-how) to do it. By the way, you forgot about my obsession with the 17 year-old version of Pauline Hickey from 1985, images of that incredible bird would be all over the blog as well ! ! !.