Mar 4, 2009

Watchmen


How would you have it? To be strict plot-wise or to double-dose on entertainment value? First off, allow a simple message to be construed; comic elitists, you can eat my dick. Now I've been braving the storm for Watchmen and yes, I didn't read the comic the instance it hit select shelves but I know a thing or two about pop culture superiority - it's expendable. Watchmen tells the brave story of one detective's search for the truth though not before wrapping his philosophical mind behind several ex-super hero's as their archetypes are deconstructed. Look anywhere, everywhere. You'll see the musings sprawled everywhere. Hell, the advertising for any sort of Watchmen memorabilia will appear on any site you choose to visit. Inescapably, Watchmen will always be there. Who will watch the Watchmen? You will [+1 for play on words that no doubt, everyone will be using].


Alan Moore was right. Watchmen is most surely an unfilmable property. As was the same that was said about Naked Lunch, but in retrospect, Naked Lunch didn't try to follow the book, instead, it chronicled the creation of the tale. Watchmen captures many things flawlessly but its inability to be omniscient such as Dr. Manhattan is where the plunge drops from the peak. This is but only due to the course of directing that Snyder takes in advance. Knowing full well that he [Snyder] was taking the pseudo-intellect's comic of choice and creating a film that uses enhanced digital graphics throughout. To start out, I'll admit to have reading several "lucky" viewers reviews. More or less, it equates with the same dry logic equivalent to "YEAAHHHH!!!" or "AWWESOMMME!!!" Me? I'm not fooled by such meanderings and I require a serious adaptation effort. If you know anything about Hollywood tool Zack Snyder, you know he has an erection for only two things: out-of-place soundtracks and vigorous slow-motion. Zack Snyder has walked into a death trap of criticism and lashings, but then again, he also walked into a bank with this film. Fun fact: His previous effort 300 has been reviled as a "homophobic" film by scribe Alan Moore.


For starters, all the great scenes are there. What a great introduction we are treated to. We witness the death of the Comedian but to my disdain, loaded with much more fighting than needed be. Soon thereafter, we're given a frozen life slide show illustrating how the times are changing. The scene of the multiplying Dr. Manhattan and Laurie's disdain are all intact but yet, Snyder refuses to capture the golden moments, namely, the Squid. Yes, hark all you want but it's gone and this wasn't a clever, festering disinformation campaign. Also, many bones have been stripped of flesh. Rorschach's psychiatrist session has been ultimately cut short, even taking the balls out of the entire segment by not revealing the origin of his mask, therefore severing most ties and boiling the emotion and empathy out of his frivolous anti-character.


Many scenes still arrive precisely on time without a moments delay and the pacing is remarkable. To the non-comic going fan of the trailers and marketing, this film will deliver upon your wildest dreams but to anyone that has read the graphic novel, which has been peer pressured at our retina's by stands in every major book store, we will be ultimately dissatisfied with the eventual ending and choice of key scenes. Overall, it's an amazing effort and I applaud Snyder for giving his all., Granted, no one could have done it like he had even if the film were minutes too long due to gratuitous scenes of slow-down fighting action. Another thing, I love the issues because the fight scenes were quick to the point and not rigorous in the attempt to entertain. It seemed more of a service to humanity rather than a visual feast. While I'm still on a high note congratulating the action, in comes the slo-motion, slowly, to ruin the excellent choreography. Thanks Snyder, for imagining the farce all wrong. You know it's bad when Nite Owl II's costume, which was made to show the absurdity of costumes, is redesigned to be conservative, sleek, and sexy. Now for the peak performance that you've all been waiting for; the ending. What do I think of it? Tis hard to say. It's a different breed, that's for sure, and I'm not very keen on the idea of Snyder taking creative liberties with a material that isn't his to plagiarize. That being said, the new ending works but it will never touch the horrific impact of the original, although nothing ever will.


For what it's worth, Watchmen is a brilliant introductory piece to what is the lore of the Watchmen. No doubt that fans will be obscured by the post-9/11 visions of Snyder and the lack of the Black Freighter and the exclusive scenes with the New Frontiersman. Much is missing and one can only hope for an extended cut on DVD, hopefully one not compromising the intelligence of the original ending. If this adapted version of Watchmen had to offer anything, it would be a bitching rape scene on behalf of the Comedian, brilliant performances by both Rorschach and the Comedian, and the knowledge of several notable musical cues. The rest of the soundtrack can just be laughed at aloud just as DN's are giggling at the sight of a blue penis dangling about. I could go into detail on how this film doesn't even begin to live up to its predecessor but the result is futile. Several little jokes are spread through out, poking fun at us fans, just comically hinting to a Squid when we know full well there isn't such thing. It seems like this time, Zack Snyder got the last laugh. For more in-depth discussion, drop a comment.



-mAQ

10 comments:

Nova Mob said...

Spoil the ending for me, please. I, too, will watch The Watchmen, how is the ending in the same vein as the squid or something completely different? I don't plan on seeing the flick until the lines go down a bit.

Soiled Sinema said...

Favorite part? Lesbian Horses.

iMike said...

Great review.. However, the Black Freighter and a ton of other scenes will be on the Director's Cut. Snyder has even pointed out a Extreme Directors Cut running 3 1/2 hours. SO that should kick ass

Keith said...

I've heard so many people talk about The Watchmen. Some are salivating so much that I think they are going to drown in it. Others seem to talk a lot of crap about the movie before they even see it. I've never read the graphic novel at all. I hate to admit that, but it's true. I really don't know that much about it.

Soiled Sinema said...

iMike - However, I'm not sure how the "unrated cut" will do. Think about all the material they'd have to add in. It's already a disgrace the cut the sugar cubes from Rorschach but to put it back in upon digital video disc release? That's a bit rude. Also, I doubt that Snyder would spend that much money to put the SQUID in there and that's all I really want to see adapted in the final cut.

Keith - Go buy the graphic novel now for $19.99
You won't regret it.

Aardvark said...

A 3 1/2 hour Extreme Director's Cut?! I'm excited about that, but I would have to hope it's not slam packed with more slo-mo.

Soiled Sinema said...

You bring up a great point. That could be the culprit of extension but hopefully its cause lies in revealing Laurie's hate for Rorschach and his mask's origin.

thebonebreaker said...

mAQ,

Great Review!

As iMike stated, the Extreme Director's Cut is planned for a Fall release - including The Black Freighter storyline spliced into the film, and I do not believe the squid ending was ever filmed.

Also, I too can only hope for the origin of Rorshach's mask to be included in the cut footage. . .

Anonymous said...

I spent a day on the fucking Watchmen since the movie was out. I went to a bookstore, sat and read the entire comic (graphic novel... get fucked) and finished barely in time to go over to the theater to see the movie. It was very entertaining, loved the gore, The Comedian was the best thing about the movie.

I don't know what else to say, I couldn't give a shit about the small details and I'm glad there wasn't a fucking pirate movie coming in every scene. That would have been like the metallic angel sequences in Brazil. Speaking of which we all known Gilliam was going to do this in the 90s and I'm sure it would have looked like shit with limited CGI technology, there's a little Brazil tribute in the beginning when some street thug throws a molotov cocktail through a window that goes off like an RPG.

Zack Snyder is a bit of an idiot however, he simply isn't cultured enough to be as hip and clever as Martin Scorsese and I am sure he isn't surrounded by anyone who is telling him that. Alan Moore had this to say about the movie "I'm never going to watch this fucking thing."

jervaise brooke hamster said...

If there had been a naked chick walking around all through this movie instead of a geezer the film would have made $200 million in North America instead of only $100 million, i dont think Zack Snyder is a faggot (hes been married twice and has 4 kids) so why does he make films for faggots?.