Feb 11, 2009

Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys

Never has versus material been cooked so raw and horridly. The approach for Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys was taken with no interest to the namesake of Full Moon or Puppet Master and I lay blame entirely on Charles Band for selling the rights to such an epic showdown to the lucrative SciFi Channel. This has long been in the works and even a stockpile footage fest like Dollman vs. Demonic Toys would have been an ideal set up for a tiny terror war. Another thing in the works was a line of Puppet Master figures gone cyber. These toys were prototypes of robotic puppets with lethal tools of murder. This, sadly, never became much of anything, only a "What if?"

SciFi, after laying claim on what could have been great, starts off with an idea of combining demons, puppets, Corey Feldman in his boxers, the cybernetic puppets, Christmas, and any other antonym into a huge cauldron. Out comes the finish product and boy is everyone unhappy with it. I don't think I've ever read a positive review on this film. People who aren't fans of the originals loathe this film enough, us Full Moon aficionados got it the worst. This vehement wind of cheesy nostalgia dissects both series, discovers what makes it tick and their strengths, then mercilessly removes that.

You liked Jack-in-the-box? He's been gutted and turned into a baby clown face. Same has been done to Baby Oopsie-Daisy as he is a rubber prick. The puppets' metamorphosis is the most atrocious. Pinhead now appears like one of those Homie figurines, Blade has long scraggly hair, Tunneler's no where to be found as with Torch. Jester is a cheap imitation and Six Shooter's sly grin has been replaced with something that cannot be described and isn't even painted right. Remember when Pokemon and Dragonball Z's popularity surged and much bootlegged merchandise came forth? The tiny stars of Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys show promise of being one of the offspring's from the copycat boom. The worst thing about this is that the dolls don't even really battle. At all.

2001 Cyber Puppet photos courtesy of Ween.

Corey Feldman walks a path under the steady eye of Ted Nicolaou - director of the much maligned Ragdoll. The only difference here is that Ragdoll was a fiercely racist horror/comedy depicting retarded stereotypes that sadly are existent in our current society and Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys doesn't really show you anything other than how malformed Pinhead looks. Why Feldman still has remnants of a career is beyond my comprehension. He's giving us classics in the past but mainly relies on cute cameos poking fun at his 80s cult status. Vanessa Angel plays the villainous role of Erika. After viewing her filmography, I'd say her most notable role is stemming from SuperBabies: Baby Geniuses 2.

Nice pants, ass.

Puppet Master vs. Demonic Toys features a plot about Christmas terror; dolls with the intention of Christmas day world domination. To say that this product isn't a pastiche would be lying to yourself. Nicolaou has created something absolutely fervidly disappointing on all parts and I would even go out of my way to protect anyone from seeing this film. I once thought about buying this used off of Amazon for a low, low price of 5 American dollars. I can see now that it would have been a grave mistake punishable only by humility then death. Feldman has even taken the Toulon name and befouled it with an utterly terrifying performance riddled with horrible accents, forced persona's, and slimy narcissism. This is arbitrary cinema terrorism at its peak.


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Why would you even subject yourself to this terrible, terrible picture? Do you hate yourself THAT MUCH?