Jan 29, 2009

My Bloody Valentine 3D

One of my many pet peeves: When someone expresses distaste for a theater experience and groans "I'll just wait till It's released on DVD..." pertaining to admission prices. Seeing how rental prices are on average $5 or below and DVD's, brand new, are around $18, this assessment is brash and naive in nature. Sure, dramas aren't necessarily known for their impact on a 25 foot screen but horror films and action all owe their allegiance to the mighty screen. My Bloody Valentine 3D is a film that you either see in theaters or you don't see at all. It's that simple.

Stemming from the originals plot line, My Bloody Valentine 3D divvy's up the gore, storyline, and characters and tweaks each category as seen fit. The violence is elevated to an extreme level, the ending is altered to better fit the "bubble-gum" psycho-horror that is popularly seen today, and the characters are given that teen heartthrob makeover with their stunning eyes, less-is-more makeup appliance, and that flippy cow licked hair that's making a stylish comeback; We'll be seeing no more of those bushy 80s teenagers anymore. Good riddance. That is, unless Rob Zombie attempts to continue his "American" series ending with The Devil's Rejects.

For the optimal 3D experience, the closer you sit to the screen, the more "penetrating" the optical effects will be. In regards to this film, My Bloody Valentine was destined for greatness in stunning 3D. The pickax is the prime weapon of choice to glorify with eye-popping visuals. The dimensions of the weapon allow for it to appear menacing off screen rather than a flat machete or an equally less impressive weapon. The pickax is also put to great use in this film, allowing for postmortem abortions, ripping out rib cage's, severing torso's, plucking out peoples jaw's, and many other uses. My Bloody Valentine is as bloody as advertised with a special treatment of depth to man made body cavities.

The original My Bloody Valentine has been christened "low budget charm" by pretty teenage girls but I find everything but charm in the collected product. The unforgiving dialogue, the tedious build up of suspense, the lack of usage of the pivotal miner; All these work against it. Underusing the intimidating Miner character is like putting a birthday cake in Jason Voorhees' hands. It's taking something good and befouling it with childish play things. The 3D remake is a step up from the original in near every way and even goes as far as to deconstruct the slasher genre and piece it together properly for the modern youth generation. In the state of a horror depression where every other film is a remake of some obscure Japanese tale or some feminist ghost activity followed by monotonous Saw sequels, a film that's designed for fast, flying violent fun is greeted with open arms as we cast a scornful eye over our shoulders, blaming Hollywood for killing one of the most popular genres with fluff.

Thanks to the 3D format, the film has many foregrounds to focus on. Everything looks good in 3D, it's proven effortlessly except for films like Journey to the Center of the Earth. I've heard only rumors of that travesty. From the riveting opening title sequence down to scenes of dialogue, the depth of the shots provides for a filling cinematic experience. This is an experience to herald and consummate with. Once I had strewn the formula of My Bloody Valentine 3D around and analyzed each part, your assumptions may be right. It may be new-wave horror and ultraviolent, it may have wily teenage humor and cliché plot twists, and it may have the flaws of the original going against it but with 3D on its side, My Bloody Valentine 3D is one of the more captivating theater experiences and deserves a go for being so.


1 comment:

Balberith said...

Especially after reading your review I think my biggest problem is that we were seated in the far back.. So ofcourse there was the obvious border around the screen and not a lot of room to have a dimensional effect since images were being clearly cut to fit.

Damnit, now I am considering going again just so I can sit closer and get a full feel for the film... Hmm.. decisions.. decisions..