Dec 14, 2008

Godzilla vs. Megaguirus


To celebrate Godzilla's recent millennium makeover, Godzilla vs. Megaguirus represents the very aesthetics of the new and improved Godzilla series. Hints of what's to come are placed meticulously in the scenes featuring suit re-do's and character mannerism explorations. Much of the run time of this Showa series flashback rests on the very irritating cocky Asian hacker characters that prove that a character can be as stubborn as the writer is.


Megaguirus is almost as uninteresting as Godzilla's son was on terms of characters within the Godzilla universe. The encompassing attraction of the Godzilla franchise is the slam-bang monster madness and Megaguirus doesn't satisfy, that is, until the last 5 - 10 minutes of the film where in a cop out twist, Megaguirus reaches his final form. Note to Toho: This isn't Dragonball Z. The origins of Megaguirus revolve around an insect that was featured in Rodan called the Meganulon. The evolution/radiation clock ticks and little by little these creatures grow while posing a more discernible threat.


A clashing romance begins between the street-smart hacker/engineer and the stern feminazi named Kiriko. These two characters obviously fancy each other for reasons oblivious to me but I brave the romance plot line for as long as it takes for the disappointing action to build up. To intervene, the Godzilla story this time around is far more unrealistic than I'd expect a giant lizard film to go. The preferred method of getting rid of Godzilla is a space gun that shoots mini-black holes that reminds me of the alternate ship battles in Skies of Arcadia.


When the "vs." finally takes effect, the Meganula finally evolves into Megaguirus. A fossilized dragonfly dinosaur hovers above Tokyo taunting our scaly anti-hero. In a disappointing battle, the only true applaudable effort is the effect for the Megaguirus. In a surprising turn of events, Godzilla's methods of dispatching the villain proves to be irrevocably bad ass. Godzilla vs. Megaguirus doesn't fare well compared to some of the above-average entries. You can thank the clear storytelling that would rather focus on embarrassing characters instead of the implied title.



-mAQ

17 comments:

peregrine fforbes hamilton said...

i thought the 1998 godzilla movie with matthew broderick was better by itself than all the japanese made godzilla movies that have ever been made put together, and by the way, could you please change your initial website introductory picture from a nazi al jolson with a macauley culkin lookalike to a naked picture of heather o`rourke, i think most of the heterosexual pedophiles who visit this site would appreciate that, thank-you.

a rather frightened representative of "SOILED CINEMA" said...

i`m sorry but if we showed the naked image of heather o`rourke that you requested we would be prosecuted by internet watch, so as much as i would love to comply with your request i`m afraid we are unable to. I wholeheartedly agree with you about the 1998 godzilla movie it was ludicrously under-rated.

Soiled Sinema said...

Nice. One person with multiple personalities.

hi mommy mommy and a ha cha cha. said...

i dont have multiple personalities, i`m just a rampantly heterosexual individual who also just happens to have had a life long obsession with wanting to bugger heather o`rourke, so how about that picture of heather showing her bum on the set of poltergeist 3.....please.....pretty please.....oh alright i`ll leave it up to you. Now with regards to godzilla vs megaguirus, i actually did see this a couple of weeks ago on a pirate DVD and i thought it was surprisingly good.

Soiled Sinema said...

there`s an outside possibility that we might publish the photo you requested sometime in the next couple of weeks, so dont forget to check back every day. And just for the record we know how popular heather o`rourke is, did you really think you were the only one who is obsessed with her gorgeous little arse, there are millions of men out there who would love to bugger her, we at Soiled Sinema are very knowledgable about these kinds of things. Oh by the way thanks for taking the time to mention the godzilla movie, it was nice that you were momentarily able to stop thinking about heather for just long enough to say something about the film under reveiw, we know it must have been very difficult for you to do that so many thanks...now...wheres that picture of heather....

Soiled Sinema said...

-_-

Soiled Sinema (this time being rather more imaginative with our reply) said...

there`s also a legend about heather pulling her knickers down on the set of an episode of happy days and showing her bum to the audience who then applauded for 20 minutes non-stop because they had never seen anything so breathtakingly beautiful.

willy jerk-off said...

of course buggering heather now would just mean buggering a 20 year old rotting corpse, but it would still be bloody good fun !!!, merry christmas by the way.

if ever i would leave you, dont let it be in spring time, knowing how in spring i`m bewitched by you so. said...

i`ve just been looking at some of the tributes to heather on youtube, what a sexy little 10 year old she was, its incredible that even now she is still the prefered masturbation aid for millions of men through-out the world, especially when you think about how much child porn is now available, they still go back to that gorgeous little sexpot who snuffed it over 21 years ago. Its also astonishing to realise that she is rapidly becoming one of the greatest cult figures of all time.

the`re comin` after me with guns and knives and fast, fast women....they call me captain apache. said...

its now well over 3 months since peregrine`s initial comment and you still have shown no signs of complying with his request, i just wondered why?, (and i mean something a bit more believable than that garbage about being prosecuted by internet watch). I desperately want to see heather o`rourke`s arse, and i know millions of other people do as well!.

i love the smell of nepalm in the morning, although strickly speaking i prefer smell of cod and chips on a saturday night when i`m out with my freinds...if i had any freinds...which i dont obviously said...

one of the non-sexual fantasys i have about heather, (yes, i do occasionally have non-sexual fantasys about her, believe it or not), is being in los angeles in mid to late january of 1988 and being the only person in the world who knows that she is about to snuff it, and then going to her house and trying to convince her mother to take her to the hospital so that her life could have been saved, i often wonder what she would have been like now as a 33 year old, would she have grown up to be beautiful, perhaps not, (at least not in the sense of everybody thinking she`s gorgeous, where-as as far as i`m concerned she will always be the most gorgeous chick of all time), would she have gone on to become a big star, who knows. For me watching "poltergeist 3" is always a strange and surreal experience knowing that she died only 7 months after filming wrapped, thats why i`d like to hear your opinion on the film to see wheather you are affected by it in the same way, (although i fully admit that 21 years on from her death those feelings of poignancy and loss will perhaps be severly decreased, although for me of course they never will be, thats how all-encompassing my obseesion with her is, and always will be). Did you notice when i used the word "wheather" earlier it actually had heathers name in it, if you take the "w" off of the beginning of the word "wheather" it becomes "heather", (again, rather poignant and charming, i think you`ll agree). When you watch the film you should be aware that the sight of heather at age 11 years 4 months running around in that cute little red romper suit is enough to drive any man who see`s it into an immediate masturbatory frenzy, (imagine if they`d made a version of the film with her running around naked, copies of it would now be changing hands for a thousand dollars a time), although many men of course would still be in denial about that because of the lies, hypocrisy, sexual repression, and censorship that has poisoned and plagued american society for so long, (and still is poisoning and plagueing large numbers of the population, even in 2009, astonishing as that may seem), 30 years from now it`ll be compulsory to have sex with your children to prepare them for the completely sex based world that they will be growing up into!!!. We were just unlucky to be born into a time, (the late twentieth and early twenti-first centurys), that will always be remembered by future historians as being "the time of sexual repression", and we`re the poor bastards who had to live through it!!!. Well, my good freinds at "soiled sinema" happy veiwing with regards to "poltergeist 3" and the lushious miss heather o`rourke, (once again i hope to read your reveiw of that film on this site very soon), and happy easter, (although i`m sure why i said that because i`m a pious atheist and an anti-theist) from your good buddy..."i love the smell of nepalm in the morning, although strickly speaking i prefer the smell of cod and chips on a saturday night when i`m out with my freinds...if i had any freinds...which i dont obviously".

a very odd, strange, weird, bizarre, surreal, human being said...

the geezer who runs that web site called arrow in the head said he cryed his eyes out when he heard heather had snuffed it, i did to, like i`ve said before that incredible little darlin` really did have a special magic about her and although poltergeist 3 is not...repeat...not a good film its still got that cultish rewatchability factor specifically because it was her last film, and do you remember that beautiful picture of heather and nancy allen that was taken on the set of the film, it was so charming, they could almost have been mother and daughter.

murderously problematic, hideously objectionable, and totally unacceptable said...

wouldn`t it be fantastic to somehow be able to hire a group of the best and most influential witch-doctors in haiti and take them to them to the cemetary in los angeles where heather is buried and smash open her grave and then get them to cast a spell of some kind that would bring her rotting carcass back to life, that would be so magical.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

you recently reveiwed "taxi driver" (superbly, as always) and i was thinking that the composer of that films music bernard hermann died on christmas eve 1975 apparently on the very day he completed the score, and guess what, 3 days later heather was born, but hermann gets 64 years of life and heather only gets 12, what the fucking hell is going on? you tell me!.

Heather O`Rourke said...

I love jervaise brooke hamster.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Heather O`Rourke and Jervaise Brooke Hamster will spend all of eternity together in paradise.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I was in a shop the other day where they sell novelty key-rings with the names of movies on them but i couldn`t find one with a picture of Heather saying "THEY`RE HERE". I wanted to be the first person in the world to have a Heather O`Rourke key-ring. Its so great to be able to watch Poltergeist 3 a couple of times every evening because it means that i`m always guaranteed to be able to spend some quality time with Heather every day and i am so thankful and grateful for that.