Oct 13, 2008

Yo-Yo Girl Cop

A title like this is destined for greatness. A film like this should have been written in stone. Yo-Yo Girl Cop is a flat monotone action film stealing the subplot of Suicide Club and converting it to the "Kawaii" American crowd. Kenta Fukasaku (Director of Battle Royale II) took the reigns on a film that should have played it safely. Instead, we're treated to a decomposing mess that loses all coherency and plausibility only mere minutes in. Before you rip at the notion that this is an adaptation and this is supposed to be oddball entertainment, watch the film. You'll forgive me soon enough.

As for the plot, I can only spare pieces that were legible to me at the time. A rogue feminist bad ass is Escape from New York'd into joining a special task force armed with a mission of stopping some suicidal judgment day from happening. Many geeky Asians are strapped with bombs throughout the film and blown to CGI smithereens. I can't tell what got the shit end of this stick in this one; the cast or the characters?

Get used to the fact that things in this film will happen for no reason. Characters will be introduced in a rush only for them to be evicted from the script. Enemies will become apparent and lack any motive. You can't use insanity or misanthropy for these 2D baddies. Asian action cinema normally has a look derived from cases of Red Bull and cinematographers over the edge. Calling films like Tube and Killzone "sleek" is undermining the film. Those are but two examples of fine Asian action. Fukasaku should count his losses and release this under the title of "How to butcher an Asian action film".

To give credit where credit is due, the idea of a school girl fighting crime with a hi-tech yo-yo is exciting, but this film lacks any compassion towards weaponry. The last battle with the villain was a sparkle to what should have been an explosive brawl. He on one hand, used his weapon well. I cherish the idea of weaponry being used as an extension to carry out nefarious plans. Good guys using weapons doesn't have that menace behind it. They carry an arsenal to protect themselves. The enemies armor up for an approaching protagonist holocaust.

Yo-Yo Girl Cop is a film that no one will understand. You can pass it off to feel better about yourself for, let's say, appreciating this film, but too much is left undiscussed. The end product is fishy, slimy, and inedible. I don't buy anything this film had to offer. I see Yo-Yo Girl Cop as a tragedy. The first ten minutes were good and the last ten minutes were painfully average; the middle is all shit. Sad to say that Aya Matsuura isn't as ravishing as she tries to be, kicking her way through eunuchs. If you read manga and eat Pocky, then this is the film for you. But if you enjoy engaging action cinema, stay far away from this one.



Fox said...

I couldn't agree with you more. When this came out last year on DVD I was pumped. The cover and title teased the same way that Machine Girl did, but... IT WAS SO BORING!

Soiled Sinema said...

This movie has the most convoluted plot I ever became victim to.

Like really?

What the fuck was this movie about?

Keith said...

That's such a shame. That cover had me wanting to see this one badly.

Soiled Sinema said...

These Asian action films always have such promising poster art. I was viewing galleries of Japanese box office art and it's very impressive. To say the least

jervaise brooke hamster said...

I want to bugger Aya carpet-suura. By the way, i changed the first syllable of her surname because i`m so murderously homo-phobic.