Oct 21, 2008


In the future, nuclear war will have devastated everything. A mad scientist will have created a parasite only to be infected by it, and he will escape into rural neo-America in order to escape from a black-suited lightsaber-penned Lamborghini Countach chauffeur belonging to a group called the Merchants. All this might sound like a Christoper Lambert movie but we're not that lucky. Parasite is regarded as the first futuristic monster movie in 3D!. And also Demi Moore's first big screen appearance as the insipid country gal who lacks intelligence.

Charles Band of Full Moon fame wrote and directed this "monster" film that doesn't really concern monsters. The parasites in question are mainly implied the length of the running time until some punks unleash it. A side symptom of the parasite involves shooting millions of spores out infecting everyone, but this is never shown and used merely as an anxiety tactic. I would have loved to catch this film in its glorious 3D version. There's torrents available of the actual 3D VHS rip, but I lack LCD shutter glasses in order to perfect the 3D quality lest I want to watch a film that looks the picture below.

Paul Glaudini looks like a sweaty and disgusting doppelganger of Jeff Goldblum by the end of the film. Parasite is just a dud of a monster film. This "futuristic" aspect is alluded to and Charles Band hadn't delved into fleshing out a dystopian landscape until three years later when he created the Trancers series featuring Jack Deth. The only enjoyable faceted design is the creative carnage. A parasite explodes out of an elderly woman's face and leaves a Street Trash mess with the remnants of a jaw chewed through by a protruding parasite.

Parasite is an awful, awful film. With Halloween approaching, watching Parasite only reminded me how many horrible creature feature films populate the shelves of stores. This film isn't worth Demi Moore's over hyped appearance and it isn't even worth it to see the creature violence. The only unequaled up shot was a very Cronenberg inspired scene of a disgusting parasite lying next to a woman's leg that looked like a sticky reverse cow tongue. Also, Parasites don't kill their host. That would be a Parasitoid, but that's Charles Band for you.



Anonymous said...

I have to agree that there's nothing really redeeming about this one. Oddly enough another review I read went on and on about how great this was!

Soiled Sinema said...

Horror fans can become disjointed from collecting imaginary merits of films.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

demi moore was one hell of a hot chick back in 1982, i would`ve loved to have buggered her as she was back then, when she was 20 her arse was ass-stounding, but now at 47 it isn`t.