Sep 4, 2008

Cannibal Terror

I've seen some bad films in my time. I've researched the film Cannibal Terror and it's said to be the worst. Now, I don't think any of these people have seen Carnivore or Razortooth, but I will simultaneously forgive them and thank them. Cannibal Terror is indeed bad, but it's not as awful as some of the other trash I've seen.

Cannibal Terror consists of a couple bumbling criminals who hook up with a prostitute to kidnap a business tycoon's daughter for ransom. Things get complicated when they are caught and the escape to an island via ferry. Little do they know that this island is home to Cannibals with afro's and mutton chops. That right there is the sole amusement of the film; watching white people in face paint dancing around looking awkwardly at their neighbor wondering to themselves "What the fuck did I get myself into?"

Among the Video Nasties that have had the ban removed, Cannibal Terror is the weakest link of the bunch, the others being The Evil Dead and Inferno. My problem with cannibal films is that they're all the same formulaic approach. Some guy gets in trouble, heads into the jungle. Rape. Gore. Oh no, message at the end. What was the moral of the story? These films don't speak to me in any way, shape, or form. The only cannibal film that had a message that I paid attention to was our favorite, Cannibal Holocaust.

All these victims normally begin their mistake with the rape of some key female figure. Instead of films mocking the broad horror genre, someone should spoof a cannibal film. That would be easy, but it's easier if you pretend Cannibal Terror is a spoof. Soon after this rape scene, more white cannibals come thanks to a spiteful husband of the woman they raped. In the end, everything settles to a simmering happiness and everyone gets what the want.

Except me. This film was bad. I expected something salvageable out of the Cannibal Terror experience. All I got was scraps. If you like your rape schlocky and your gore dubbed over with mayonnaise produced sounds, you might enjoy this film. I think it is at least worth to skip through, if not for the gore then for the mutton chop cannibal who strangely resembles Elvis. Conspiracy theorists, beware. Your king has gone into hiding acting in shitty Z grade EuroTrash.


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