Jul 23, 2008

The X-Files: I Want to Believe

How could anyone not be excited? Made possible with the horrible marketing idea to release this after The Dark Knight hits theaters, this is one of those films that we were slightly excited for, but managed to slip past us and become one of those "That's out?" films. A sleeper film, if you will. I forgot this was even coming out until today, when I built up the film with the passion of a raging god.

Lo and behold, It sucks. No wonder they kept a wrap on the specifics and dainty details of this film. So, a paedophile Catholic priest has visions of a kidnapped Jewish FBI agent and her whereabouts. It's up to the sinful Catholic to save the soul of a Jew in this extremely un-tense thriller. Scully and Mulder are once again called in to head forth into "the darkness" in this incredibly bland TV drama. Like a bad episode, they stick with boring phenomenon.

How the X-Files clicked so well with me was it's raffish use of cryptzoology, abductions, and other wicked beasties that appear on screen. It's fairly uncommon to see these creatures with a serious entertainment personality. The Mothman, Jersey Devil, Bigfoot, and the Loch Ness were all amazing to view in this tense television series that also chronicled the ridiculous sexual tension between two of the greatest TV characters.

Scully has a difficult time trusting the boy-bound blissful priest. The two lovers are torn between faith, belief in other-worldly conditions, and what's right. There has to be some conflict, right? I'd hate to bring in spoilers for a film that isn't out, but due to it being a few of the only scenes I liked, I see no harm in doing so.

Near the end, in one of the "revelation" scenes, we witness a Re-Animator inspired scene that actually got a shock from me. A distant death bed for a trans-gendered fantastical operation. Those crazy Russians. Who'd have thought the latest film to jump on the "Horrifying world of Eastern Europe" would be an X-Files film? The plot is bland, the script is bland, and art direction is genericly ripped from Fargo. If the new X-Files movie were a cereal, it would be the Wheaties of the bunch. No sugar and spice here; just classic drivel.

I really wanted to love this. I did enjoy parts of it. I wanted to believe that this would be worth my ever-lasting time, but sadly it wasn't. This film disregards most of the X-Files timeline and creates a modern day world for the two ex-FBI agents. A watered down psychic story with a bullshit "twist." Gillian Anderson never ceases to get more and more beautiful with age though. Much like a fine wine. Much better than the first film. At least they did one thing right.



Anonymous said...

Interesting, keen-eyed review; thanks for sharing it! Yours was the only review that at least mentioned the transgender surgery, easily the "issue" that baffled me most -- in a movie that clearly went for angsty shock effects.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

In Hollywood why do they keep putting that worthless pile of Scottish dog-shit Billy Connelly into their films?, Connelly really is one of the most pathetic jokes in the history of the universe.