Jul 11, 2008

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

I don't think I've read a single bad review on this film yet. Concluding my viewing experience, I didn't have a willingness to even write on this film. "Let the people form their own opinions. Someone will just write what I feel anyways" I said, but dammit! Seeing all these gloating reviews almost infuriates me, so I must make my opinion known. Keep in mind I didn't really enjoy the first film. Maybe that's my problem.

Hellboy 2 opens up with a retarded happy teenage Hellboy. I see a fatal flaw in this. If this bastard had such a happy life, why the hell is he so angsty now? I apologize for being so cruel towards Mr. Mike's creation of sweat and labor, but the stories do not interest me at all. When I first saw the final theatrical trailer, I thought to myself "Wow! That looks action-packed and breath-taking!"

Turns out I was right about one thing; action. That's about the only depth you will find in the film. That and the forest elemental scene. That really tugged at my heartstrings. Something so beautifully chaotic which was murdered in cold-blood. I've heard of anti-heroes but Hellboy takes the cake. So faeries exist with elves and trolls. This is the basis of the plot. It seems that talking fish, a post-Firestarter emo girl, and the son of Satan don't have the capacity to believe in such things. Ironic, eh?

So this evil Prince guy, whose facial scars make him look like the reincarnation of Kakihara, hates humans so he wants to kill us all with an army of golden ED-209's. Terrifying? You bet. Guillermo Del Toro has always been known for his amazing creature designs and there is no doubt that he could fill the empty shoes Stan Winston left behind in his death.

The bustling Troll Market scene which is indisputably similar to the Cantina scene in Star Wars features gorgeous creatures and everything that goes bump-in-the-night. He introduces some genius creations throughout the film such as the Tooth Fairy (Flying ants that eat teeth which is shown in a violent fashion) The creatures are the highlight of the film, but allow me to move onto the acting.

Ron Perlman is Hellboy, no doubt about it. Hellboy's early self (Child actor.. *shudder*) presents one of the corniest openings to a film that tries to be serious. "Oh papa! Please read me another story!! Please!!" That isn't a direct quote, but it's close enough. Hellboy hits his mid-life crisis mid-film and demonstrates this by drinking beer a lot and acting irritable, which is alright. But then Abe gets mixed in. They then together, make the most horrifying "inebriation" scene ever filmed. And I thought I was stupid when drunk.

The new agent is Johann Krauss. I remembered to put the SS at the end of his name due to Hellboy's fear of Germans. He also notes that there are two S's in the name. Quite an anti-German pun they had going on for a while. They used the over-used basis for evil Nazi necromancy and mutants in the first film, and rumor has it that Del Toro plans of incorporating the evil Germans in the last film. I also made note of Seth McFarlane's (Family Guy creator) voice work to be a parody of a German. I was about to have a shitfit had I heard him say "Und" one more time. Krauss is also a smoke man which is almost a worthy addition. I must admit to being head over heels in love with his abilities.

Bumbling around singing Barry Manilow and talking about true love. A predictable ending plagues Hellboy and the cheeriness of the film is halted with a reminder from Death about Hellboy's destiny to fuck up the world. Since Hellboy is going to be a trilogy, I can only hope that the last film borrows heavily from the finale of Berserk. I demand death, sacrifice, and carnage. Hellboy 2 is a feast for the eyes but not the brain. It's depressing that I didn't enjoy this film more. Honestly, some scenes were kick ass, but the film just kind of flopped near the middle.



Charles said...

Princess Nuala was beyond hot... for an elf princess of the underworld that is

Anonymous said...

all right i waited till half way through the credits and got bored and left i wanted to see if there was a bonus sence at the end of the credits can someone tell me if there was or not thank

Soiled Sinema said...

There was one filmed but I don't think it made it on the final print.
I'd iMDB for more information.

Princess Nuala looked like a tall cat-lady.