Jul 3, 2008

French Terrorists Destroying American Horror


It never really occurred to me how the average French directors are slowly destroying all things great or tolerable about horror. It hit me once I decided that I'd been a bad boy and needed to punish myself by forcing Alien: Resurrection into my corneas. You see, the "special edition" version of this film (Which is by no means special) has an introduction from Jean-Pierre Jeunet.


The director of The City of Lost Children and Amélie decided to separate these two better-than-good films with a shocking blunder of a horror film. What's worse is that he hammered the final nail into the coffin of the Alien franchise. Not that it was particularly going anywhere or had created anything decent after Aliens, but it was still a depressing time in 1997.

The introduction opened with the frog in a theater discussing how proud he is of this feminist sci-fi classic. The introduction alone revived long suppressed memories of the cinematic atrocities this film committed. Sigourney Weaver is the woman's answer to a Rambo and shows off her B-Ball skills against the manly Ron Perlman.

French citizen's have always been known to hate America. The quickest "terrorist" attack is to adapt all classic cinema's into a steamy pile of trash so faggy art students run to shitty films like Paris, je t'aime or any other piece of "French art" This attack on American cinema does include films like The Eye, Hitman, and the recent Mirrors, along with the script for P2. Alexandre Aja (A noted Jew) was among the first noted French horror directors and infiltrated studios with his surprisingly mint remake of The Hills Have Eyes. This stealthy attack also includes him to Americanize his name by changing it to just "Alex"


With the American success of Haute Tension (High Tension) and the release of THHE, he secured his and his fellow frenchie's foot in the door and thus began to auction off properties and rights to all sorts of creations to be slaughtered. Rights such as a 3D remake to the Corman Classic Piranha and the remake of a South Korean horror film Mirrors were sold to Aja. He seems to have his hands full Easternizing all things wonderful about terror.

Directors of fellow gorehound's favorite Inside were scheduled to direct the Hellraiser remake. As much as I'd like to think it would have been successful, chances are they'd just ruin the franchise so we'd run to films produced by their economy such as the upcoming Martyrs and Ils (Them) What the French are creating is a multi-level attack on world cinema. Think the terrorism in Live Free or Die Hard but directed towards film. Timothy Olyphant (Villain of LFDH) was even the main actor in Xavier Gens (Frontières) Hitman. Another successful attempt to destroy Western cinema.


The French horror boom is in no way successful by it's own part. Look at films like Frontière(s) and Them. After seeing trash like The Ruins and such escape out of their cages into theaters, we turn to ultra-violent over-the-top French carnage. I'll be the first to admit that upon the first viewing, you think to yourself "Wow, that was fucking awesome!" but I never let it got that far. The After Dark Horrorfest is all complete shit with the exception of a moderate title here and there.


As soon as I was done with Frontière(s), I noticed how contrived the killer Nazi plot had been and the anti-big-business opening which is a fabled attempt to create a political tide was contrived and a feeble attempt to create a horror La Haine. The French have no respect for our own horror cinema and no respect for themselves. The only French people I admire are people like Jean Reno (Who sticks to his grassroots within the Action Genre) and Vincent Cassel (Who actually brought something new to horror with Sheitan.)

The French will not stop until a systematic relapse of all originality is reset in Hollywood. It won't stop with Mirrors and Martyrs. It didn't stop with High Tension or The Hills Have Eyes. For every shitty American film they direct, they will plant a seed which leads to a new shocking French horror film that will be lauded by Rue Morgue and Shocktillyoudrop until it cannot accept anymore praise. They've made it so that whenever a hot new French feminist-survival film is dropped, the gorehounds will scatter to find a copy only to be disappointed and continue to fall into the same trap over and over again. What a depressing cycle. Only when the population wises to this tactic is when the fans will revolt. Seeing as how people are actually looking forward to seeing Disaster Movie, It seems Judgment Day is at hand.


-mAQ

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I really dont see your point in all that, it just sounds like racist buulshit to me. So what about theses fuckin' chinese directors (J Woo etc...)and these fuckin' indien, worst now a russion one on "Wanted", where will it stop. If Hollywood have to go and find some directors outside of the U.S and give them 100 times the budget they could have in their own country and a wider audience, they should be dumb not to try. You invited the Vampires in your home, so now deal with it.The only matter is the quality of the films and if they're not allways great they are at least as good as the PURE U.S ones.Anyway, I still don't see your point.

Soiled Sinema said...

Well, it's easy. These directors you mention aren't linked to what my point is.

The Japanese directors remake their own films.

Wanted is an action film. More or less, you don't get my point, so you throw your point out without realizing that your point doesn't make sense either.

Anonymous said...

screw shock till you drop..I agree with that..ryan rotten,what a dueche..he thinks he's sexy horror guy!