Jun 12, 2008

Deadhouse


Growing up horror wise, I've always been advised to stray away from the label Brain Damage Films, with good reason too. After skimming their catalog for a couple of minutes, the only sight that fills my retinas is pure unadulterated trash. There is Troma trash, then there is Brain Damage. I had only previously seen a single clip of Traces of Death 2 and decided their was too much shitty generic metal in it to even deserve to title of "Shock"

I've been told time and time again that it is a difficult task indeed to review a Brain Damage Film, but I must try. I will relay the scenes I viewed, and why I cry thinking about the package with 10+ odd Brain Damage Films that I have dedicated to watch and spread the word about this horrible scamming company whose main goal is to release bargain bin shit films and profit off of the dull masses.

The film opens up with a fat kid with a pony tail. Note this character design, for it will reappear throughout the film. This 40-something looking "kid" is supposed to pass off as a rural teenager taking a walk through the woods. He then thinks he sees something in the woods. Upon further inspection, a tiny branch falls on him. This branch throws the fatty to the ground, leaving him angst ridden muttering "stupid fucking tree" He then gets slaughtered by a man whose killer design is a copycat version of any masked pro-wrestler.

(My collection of fatties with pony tails)

Next up in this horridly edited is a scene of a girl packing up her belongings being exceptionally morose. Her sister/friend (I don't give a shit about anything of their names or relations) comes in the room smacking her lips, rolling her eyes, and chewing gum incessantly like a cow. She looked like a cow too. After bickering, they meet up with some douche named Brandon who drives them down roads. When I say drive, It's more like sitting in a car talking while spinning the wheel and having people on the outside push it to mimic movement.

They get lost and stop by a butcher shop that is ran by a fat guy with a pony tail. (!) After he hits on the cow, they leave and drive some more. While driving, they almost get in an accident cause of a fat guy with a pony tail in the road. (!) Then they meet the bad guy with long hair and the other guy with old 80's metal hair. At this time, I sort of shifted positions and closed my eyes and began to drown out the noise with my thoughts of despair. Looking forward to watching the rest of these films is almost as great of an idea as creating my own B.M.E. video. (Body Modification Extreme)

A couple things I did notice; they blurred license plates, posters in a town, and the brand of SUV they were driving. This my friends, is the work of a true amateur. It gets increasingly easy to identify that the cast is a close-knit group of "gothic" friends who decided on making a horror movie. Hell, If Sam Raimi did it, so could they! Wrong. Deadhouse might be the worst film I've ever seen, but on second thought, I still need to watch the other 2133 movies from Brain Damage.


-mAQ

No comments: