Apr 18, 2008

Disturbia


Disturbia is yet another piece of horror trash from the bowels of Hollywood hell. The film made a lot of money for its putrid scum investors. Disturbia is Alfred Hitchcock’s Rear Window that takes place in some pathetic zio-clown teenager’s neighborhood. I really hope the film’s protagonist is sodomized by a group of black bikers, if there is a sequel (which there will be).

The monetary success of Disturbia (grossing over $100 million) only confirms the inept minds of the movie going audience. I can imagine American’s running to theaters to see a film of Steve-o from Jackass shitting in a hotdog bun and feeding it to a drunken horny Mexican. The film would be revered as poetic genius and receive “two thumbs up” by Richard Roeper (just as Disturbia received). Roeper must have really had his eye on Disturbia star Aaron Yoo.

Two hermaphrodites fall in love in the name of equality

Disturbia’s star protagonist Shia LaBeouf for some reason has pubic hair on his head. He also has a special hatred for Mexican invaders with jobs of authority. I think they both have more in common than they would like to admit (like America’s decline?). The love interest in Disturbia has the body of a 14 year old gangly boy. I guess LaBeouf had to settle for the next best thing.

The countdown clock for Armageddon is set. King Tom Will Smith is ready to light the fuse. The high antichrist priest Steven Spielberg will be leading the way into hell. The apocalypse will be produced by Michael Bay and will be starring Tom Hanks. Disturbia star Shia LaBeouf only gets to be an associate demon.


-Ty E

2 comments:

jervaise brooke hamster said...

The protagonist of any film should only ever be sodomized if the protagonist in question is a beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking 18 year-old chick.

jervaise brooke hamster said...

Shia LaBeouf is a very poofy pansy name for a supposedly heterosexual geezer.