Mar 23, 2008

The Wicker Man (2006)

The Wicker Man (1973) is one of the best horror films ever made. The film is truly an eerie experience of Neo-Pagan horror. When I found out that a remake had been made starring Nicholas Cage, I was more than skeptical. The horror remake is inevitable for most of the “classic” films. The update of The Wicker Man is further evidence that no film is too sacred in the eyes of money worshipers.

The location of Summersisle has changed from an Island in Scotland to the coasts of Washington state, USA. This change already takes away crucial atmospheric elements found in the original film. The inhabitants of Summersisle USA still have their Celtic roots (in the form of blonde hair and lame clothes). Nickie Cage cannot understand their backwards and unprogressive ways.

The new and unimproved The Wicker Man features an anti-feminist (or feminist) slant. These Summersisle folks are ruled by one sexually frustrated female. The men are pathetic second class citizens who are in complete servitude to their busting bosom counterparts. One could look at these evil bitches as heroes (Emma Goldman fans) or heretics. I felt enormous pleasure in seeing a large bull dyke take a blow to the face via Nicholas Cage’s fist.

The Wicker Man is another one of those films that feature an evil white child on the front cover (although the little girl never has evil eyes in the film). Hollywood really gets off to portraying the juvenile white devil as a literal one. I would not mind seeing Spielberg’s children sporting a pair of devil horns and a tail in his next epic fantasy.

I could go on as to why The Wicker Man is just another bad remake but that is unnecessary. The remake of The Wicker Man is an entertaining look into the destruction of important aspects of film in hopes to receive a lowest common denominator financial success. Nicholas Cage deserves an Oscar for the beatings he gave at Feminist island. Someone needs to drop off some Nazi SS Zombies (like those found in Shock Waves) at Summersisle.

-Ty E

1 comment:

peregrine fforbes-hamilton said...

the little girl is gorgeous, i want to bugger her. This remake wasn`t to bad, in fact i thought it was better than the original which was always a ludicrously over-rated pile of british made hogwash. The only good thing about the 1972 movie was the gorgeous naked bird who was a body double for that swedish bird, i`ve always wanted to bugger her as well.