Mar 19, 2008

Halloween (2007)

I really wasn’t offended when I heard Rob Zombie was planning to remake John Carpentar’s Halloween. I grew up watching Halloween and the Halloween franchise. They entertained me and nothing more. I don’t hold Halloween as a sacred film not to be tampered with. The countless sequels did enough in destroying the films so-called “legacy.”

Rob Zombie created a fanboy jerk off epic (a 2 hour long slasher film?) with his remake of Halloween. Zombie couldn’t help but fill in all the little details that are absent in the original, which gave it it’s power. I remember as a child dreaming out scenarios for the missing aspects of Halloween. Wondering what Michael Myers did in the mental hospital all those years, what psychological elements caused young Michael to kill his sister, and other predictable “childish” thoughts. At over 40 years of ago, Rob Zombie’s fan boy fantasies have come true. He managed to destroy one of his favorite films.

Rob Zombie obviously has dreams of being considered the “Quentin Tarantino” of the horror genre. Watching countless horrible horror films, learning their simple conventions (and how to break them), assembled fragments of those horror films (as evidence of horror knowledge and trivia), have countless “famous” actors and actresses, and then stylizing the film for the new film generation of unprogressive fans. Post-modernism long ago reared it’s ugly head and has given us what we have already seen. Rob Zombie’s Halloween is another attempt at making an “art” piece of post-modernism.


The first good half of Halloween follows Michael Myers into his route of sociopathic mental deterioration. None of the Myers “back story” is necessary (it is Zombie’s fan boy soul unleashed). The rest of the film follows a somewhat similar plot to the original Halloween. Since House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects, Rob Zombie has picked up a couple skills in shot composition, editing, and overall construction of the entire film. He once again decided to put in “hip” music (another nod to Tarantino) to give the film a “timeless” feel.

Michael Myers somehow grows into a seven foot tall giant in the mental hospital. He looked more like a fake wrestler from the WCW than a slasher killer. Unsurprisingly, Rob Zombie committed to such a lame and unoriginal idea. I hope the upcoming remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street doesn’t feature an eight foot tall tranny Freddy Krueger.

Rob Zombie’s Halloween features Halloween franchise child actress Danielle Harris all grown up and topless (covered in blood). I really hope this wasn’t some sick fantasy of Rob Zombie’s. In the mid 1990’s Harris was the victim of an obsessed stalking fan (I assume Halloween fan). The lonely fellow made threats that he would kill her. Nonetheless, Harris decided to flaunt her blood covered boobies for the remake. Her performance’s in Halloween 4 and 5 must have been a real eye opener for Rob Zombie. His morbid wish has finally come true.

Halloween 4: Return of Michael Myers Era Danielle Harris

Lady Danielle Harris in Rob Zombie's Halloween

also updates American suburbia with modern degeneracy. In the original Halloween, Michael Myers seemed to come from the typical American wholesome suburban background (which made him “scarier”). Rob Zombie’s Michael Myers is a white trash child with a stripper mother (Zombie once again whores out his wife) and a foul mouthed trailer park stepfather. Although this Myer family may better reflect contemporary American “family values,” it added nothing to the “power” of the film.

The end of Rob Zombie’s Halloween turns into a dark underexposed mess. Zombie needs to learn the basics innovated by the pioneers in cinema and their abilities to utilize shadows to their cinematically gothic benefit. Rob Zombie simply makes scenes dark to make them “spooky.” What comes out is a bunch of scenes that are underexposed and almost unwatchable. I figured that Rob Zombie could have bought himself a nice lighting crew but shadows are just too artsy!

Rob Zombie’s Halloween is a sometimes entertaining “update” of the original films for today’s apathetic American audience. It offers a couple interesting new cheap elements and a whole entourage of embarrassing ones. Zombie’s Halloween is a fan boys dream turned nightmare. May Jesus Christ accept his forgiveness.

-Ty E


Anonymous said...

yea dude fuck him, i heard it was a prequel to "nightmare". not remake?


peregrine fforbes-hamilton said...

That picture comparison proves that Danielle Harris was much more beautiful and desirable as a child than she is as an adult.

Anonymous said...

Dude?? No, She's hotter now!! Are you blind??

peregrine fforbes-hamilton said...

Hey Anonymous, you`re a looney, how the hell can a 32 year-old bird be more desirable that a 12 year-old bird ?, the very idea is intrinsically ludicrous, the 12 year-old bird wins every time, believe me.